Growing up in the City of Inglewood as a first generation Mexican-American, the concepts of being bold, brave, thinking big, and having purpose were not concepts I was made aware of. The idea of being empowered as a young Latina was something that just did not exist and the feeling that I was “the future” was just not there. I was simply a product of my environment. An environment that was filled with cultural expectations because I came from a very traditional Mexican family. An environment that was filled with violence, crime, and drugs because I grew up in an inner-city community with many issues. I grew up in an environment that was plagued with gang violence, especially during the 90s. I remember attending my first funeral at 9 years old because our 14-year-old friend was shot and killed by gang members. After this, the funerals of friends being shot and killed just became the norm.
As a young person, I could not imagine something out of that norm even if people painted a different world outside of what I knew. I just could not see it and I could not visualize it and I certainly did not see myself as “the future”. Like so many of the people I grew up with, I was so disconnected from how other communities lived, which was so opposite from what we, people in my community, were living daily. I cannot remember ever having a goal or dream about doing something BIGGER than myself, I never saw myself as someone who would be creative or someone who could positively impact another person. I definitely did not know about higher education or college, because my parents came from humble beginnings and had very little formal education.
The idea of being “the future” as a young person and what that actually entailed was nonexistent to me. It was so nonexistent that it might has well be a phrase from another universe. The only vision I had about myself growing up was that I would most likely become a mother and have children with someone like me. Someone who was also a product of their environment, similar to the one I grew up in. Who would work a job every day to pay bills, rent, and live life like this every day for the rest of our life. This was my future! And even though I would visualize a future it certainly did not qualify as “the future” people refer to when they tell young people that they are “the future”.
My “future” was built on my parents telling me that I if I wanted to accomplish anything in life I had to work hard and if that did not work then work harder. Which makes perfect sense, because this is their cultural ideology and what was instilled in my parents when they were children and this is what worked well for them in their lives. Working hard and then working harder to accomplish a goal is great advice and a skill that is needed to be successful there is no DOUBT about that. However, this skill alone does not define what you are “the future” means when addressing young people, at least not entirely.
I started to understand what the phrase you are “the future” meant when I went to college. During my college years, I met great people who encouraged me to succeed in my classes and to stay focused and successfully graduate. I also met a lot of people who taught me a lot about the world and taught me how to critically think for myself. Here is where I started to unravel and unfold what the meaning of the phrase you are “the future” meant, but even in my college years when I started to understand the phrase, I still did not quite fully embrace it. It was not a phrase I was raised with; therefore, it was not a concept I connected with. As a result, I did not quite see myself as “the future”. I simply saw myself as someone who would be a productive citizen in society who would abide by the law nothing more. Even after I successfully graduated from college. I was still quite disconnected from the concept of “the future” and what that meant in relation to me as a young Latina from a somewhat broken community and environment.
After college, I did what most college graduates do and I went to work. At work, I was ambitious, always asking colleagues and management how to create opportunities for myself to “climb the ladder” in both position and salary. I went from part-time to full-time. From full-time employment to higher positions. I received a higher salary every time I accepted new employment. I kept climbing this so called “ladder”. I was working hard and harder at times to get to that next level. That next level was my future. That is how I defined my future, but never did I define my future in relation to what people mean when they say “you are the future”. It was not until I hit rock bottom, was struck by great tragedy and trauma that I started to analyze my life and the future I was leading myself to.
A few years ago, my twin brother, Eduardo Alarcon, was shot and killed. I think he tried to hang onto his life as he still was breathing, barely, when he was taken by the paramedics, but the bullet was a Halo bullet and when it exploded inside of him it was too much for his body to survive. His death was incredibly traumatizing and I had to go through so many hurdles to be able to move past it all. Ironically, when he died, I started to realize how powerless I was in a world in which I never really felt empowered to begin with much less see myself as “the future”.
This incident completely changed my life. I had to find ways to cope and I had to do it quickly because I was a brand-new mom to a then 2-year-old son and had gained temporary custody of my nephew, my late brother’s son, who was 8 years old at that time. They needed me. Thus, it was not until this tragedy struck that I decided not only to overcome the tragedy but that I would do it in a BOLD, EMPOWERED, and PURPOSEFUL way. His memory provided me the energy and BRAVENESS that I needed in order to start thinking BIGGER and living a life with PURPOSE, CREATIVITY and MEANING.
Thus, it was not until my twin brother’s death that I really began to work on myself to be a better version of me. I wanted to be more confident, more self-aware, more aware of others, and to build an army of positive people around me to help me cope and rise as tall as I wanted. Suddenly, I became fearless. I think part of it was that my worst fear had already occurred. I think physiologically I thought to myself that I was either going to let my fear drive me for the rest of my life or that I was going to rise and be fearless. I realized that as long as I did everything fearlessly and with purpose, the failing would just be a life lesson that I could learn and move on from. After all, I had already lost something so precious. I thought to myself, “What do I have to lose in thinking BIGGER, being BOLDER, being POWERFUL, and taking my ideas straight into action?” As tragic as his death was, I knew I had to find a positive outlet and I found it through truly empowering myself and always operating on the better version of me every day. I worked on my personal development daily and continue to do so. This has been a great experience and it has also positively impacted other aspects of my life and has shaped my spiritual and professional development.
This is when I began to truly understand the concept that I had vaguely heard throughout my childhood, you are “the future”. Suddenly, through this mass PAIN I started to have to really dig deep within me. I was forced to unravel and unfold my true authentic self! And suddenly, I started to visually see and understand why I felt so disconnected with this phrase. I started to understand that people cannot teach what they don’t know themselves. My parents were not raised with these beliefs so why would they teach me this belief. They taught me the best of what they knew.
I started to clearly see the issues that surrounded communities like the one I grew up in and why they existed. The world started to make more sense and the more sense it started to make the more I started to feel this HUGE sense of responsibility to do something to help solve some of this disconnection that I think people like me feel. So, I started to embrace and strongly believe in the idea that “I am the future” and with that self-acknowledgment came huge responsibilities and in which I decided that I was up for the task to meet and fulfill that responsibility.
After my brother’s death, I could not continue to see the future as I had, which was a level or an abstract thing. I had to shift to view “the future” as the meaning of the phrase people use when they say “you are the future”. This has been my biggest TRANSFORMATION I have made.
I no longer feel disconnected from this phrase. I am fully connected with this phrase in my life and breathe the idea of it every day into every action I make, interaction I have with human beings and expression that I use to communicate.
I am the future and that means I am BOLD, CREATIVE, FEARLESS, and I INNOVATIVE.
In memory of my beloved twin, Eduardo Alarcon. He too was "the future".
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